Special Delivery

My Boi came down into the basement where I was cleaning. He handed me a package that was delivered by UPS. He gave me an odd look when I smile.

"I was expecting it next week," I told him.

"Oh what is it?" he asked, coming to stand beside me as I placed the long box on the bed.

“Open it. It's actually for you," I told him.

My Boi gave me a look and sat down on the bed. He picked up the box and his fingers made quick work of the brown paper wrapping and the tape that held the box closed. Once he fished through all the packing peanuts, he pulled out a long thick wooden paddle with ten holes drilled in it. The long handle was thin and it had a hole drilled out in it for easy storage.

I had to bite my inner cheek to keep from laughing when I saw the look on my Boi's face. First his eyes were like 'what the fuck' and then they were like 'oh my god' and then they got as big as life.

"Oh hell no!" he said, tossing the thing on the bed like it was too hot to handle. He stood up and started to march off in a huff.

I grabbed him by the arm as he tried to pass by. I pulled him close to me.

"Relax babe, it's only for show," I told him, wrapping my arms around him and kissing the top of his head. "Unlessssssss," I kind of drew it out.

"Not on my ass!"